inourblood

come one, come all to this tragic affair

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 22:15:06 GMT

Title: The End
Author: inourblood
Rating: Erm...PG13...maybe?
Summary: Oh, you really couldn't guess from the title! ;)
Disclaimer: Yeah, this is just about as real as my belief that I can grow black angel wings and fly.
Dedications: To 003lastwords because she is just so amazing, and deathhairbrush for being such a wonderful friend to me all the time!

THE END

People. Too many people. Surrounding me. I hardly notice them. I hardly notice the wind frisking my hair around my face. I hardly notice the dark, threatening clouds, as I walk slowly between the stones. Each step falls like a death knoll. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be anywhere any more.

A wooden box, balanced up high. Such a formality. So traditional. Like a parade dressed in black. You would have hated it.

Step, step, step. All in time, all synchronised. The bells peal their mourning song, whisper sounds of sorrow in my ear. I don’t really hear them. I know they are there, but I don’t hear them. I don’t hear the droning voice saying ashes to ashes. I don’t hear the tears falling like diamond raindrops from many eyes. I don’t hear sobs around me. My eyes sparkle, but my cheeks remain dry.

It almost seems disrespectful. Why can’t I cry for you?

Ropes, black sashes, lower the box. Down, further and further away from me. All solemn. All traditional. No glimmer of you. Quiet. You would have hated it. You would have wanted people to be happy.

Brown starts to cover the box. Brown should be black. Black for loss, black for grief.

Purple for death.

Red for love, for life. Your life.

Colours. Meaningless. Insignificant.

The sky joins in the misery, weeps for you. I feel its tears on my skin.

People. People huddle under umbrellas, though the wind tries to rip them away. I am apart. Rain drips from the ends of my hair. It was raining the day it happened. I want it to rain on me. To bring me back to reality. To make this seem real. So I can cry for you. Why can’t I cry? The ground, now flattened, holds the rain in a sorrowful embrace. Keeps it from trickling away.

People. People drift away. Out of the rain. Away from the sadness. But I wont drift away from you. I would stay with you until the ends of the earth. They are all gone. But you won’t be going anywhere. You won’t leave me. Again. Wind whips the rain around my face. I will wait with you to the end. The bells have stopped their song. We are alone now.

And when we were alone, we used to lie together. I curl up in the mud, not caring. Not feeling. I don’t notice how cold I am. I don’t notice the water seeping into my skin.

Carved stone reads When love and death embrace. That sounds inviting.

RIP

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So, love or hate? Comments rock my world!

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 23:55:47 GMT

Title: Breakdown
Rating: Meh, whatever
Summary: Ville's been having trouble coping with all the pressures of his life.
Disclaimer: What, you seriously think I own any of these most beautiful characters? I don't have an imagination good enough for that...
Author's notes: Based off an article I read in Kerrang! about Ville breaking down on tour in Japan.

I took the phone from my pocket and glanced down at the cars so far below me they looked like tiny pinpricks of light in the darkness of the night. I knew the number so well by now that I didn’t even have to think about which keys I was pressing with a trembling finger. The ringing sounded in my ear. Please let him answer. I wasn’t going until I spoke to him.

“Hello?” the sleepy voice answered.

“Bammie!” I said, feigning cheeriness.

“Willa! Do you know what time it is here?”

“S-sorry, love,” I couldn’t help it. My voice cracked. So much for pretending to be happy.

“What’s wrong?” All sleepiness was gone from his voice. I felt unwanted tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

“I…I can’t do it Bam…I j-just c-c-can’t!”

“Baby? What can’t you do?” his voice had now switched to gentle and soothing.

“This!” I gestured wildly with my hands before remembering Bam couldn’t see it. “Everything! I can’t cope, Bammie!” I could hear him breathing on the other end of the line, and assumed he wanted me to continue. However, rational thought was quickly leaving my brain. “It…It’s too hard…I…I’ve b-been b-b-breaking down. It’s too…I c-can’t…I can’t do it!”

“How do you mean, breaking down?” His tone wasn’t accusatory – on the contrary, he was being gentle, not forcing me to say anything – but it was enough to take me over the edge. I collapsed onto my knees, sobbing into my arm.

“It’s…I can’t forget…too hard,” the disjointed phrases probably made no sense to him, but he waited patiently for me to continue. That was one of the many reasons I loved him so much. Despite being impatient around others, he always had time for me, however long I wanted. It would be such a shame…but I couldn’t stop now. “After…when I was m-mugged…then Jonna…and…when…after…arrested…I can’t sleep, Bammie! I k-keep having p-panic attacks…can’t even…the taxis…I can’t do it!”

“Don’t cry, angel. It’s all right. Don’t cry. I’m gonna get the first flight I can and come see you, ok? I’ll be there soon, baby,” Any other time I would have been reassured, comforted by his love for me. This time I knew he would be wasting his efforts. There would be no point by the time he got here.

“No, Bammie. Don’t c-come. There’s…there’s something I wanna t-tell you,” I stuttered. It was now or never. He was silent again for me, but it took a while for me to find the right words. “I…I m-meant it w-when I said I can’t d-d-do this,”

“I don’t understand,” The blunt statement, my Bammie’s confused voice flooding into my ear, was enough to make me start crying all over again.

“I m-mean…everything…I c-c-can’t do…everything…life!”

“What do you mean?” he asked, sounding terrified. He should have got it by now. I didn’t want to have to explain. I didn’t want to make him too scared before…it happened.

“I c-called you…be-because…I want to hear your v-voice last. I want to s-say my…l-last words t-t-to…you,” I almost didn’t have the heart to continue, hearing his gasp and knowing how he would feel, the same way I would feel if it were me in his position. “P-promise me…you’ll s-say g-g-goodbye to Linde and Mige for me…t-tell them I l-love them…say s-sorry for me f-fucking up…their l-lives…say s-sorry for everything,”

“NO! Ville, please, please don’t do it! You can’t! I love you too much! Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me? What you’re doing to yourself? You can’t, Ville, you just can’t! Please, I’m actually begging you!”

I hated to hear him so torn up, but I continued saying, “Thank you f-for everything you’ve done for me,” I was shocked to hear right at the end my voice became so calm. “Thank you for always being there for me, and for looking after me, loving me, and being the best friend I could have in any world. I promise, Bammie, I will never, ever forget you. I promise that when you die, I’ll still be there waiting for you. I promise that I’ll never stop loving you,”

With that I moved to the edge. My toes hung over the edge of the building. The cars below flickered in my blurred eyesight. I leant forward, slowly, almost pleasurefully. Bam was screaming at me on the other end of the connection.

“I’m sorry Bam. Goodbye.”

“NO!”

I fell, fell through the air, felt like I was flying, felt happy for the first time in what felt like forever since I left America last. Heard Bam’s sobs, heard his last, “Goodbye, my love,”

Died.

Ville Valo was buried in Helsinki, Finland, in a small service attended by closest friends and family. Soon after, Bam Margera died of grief, a broken heart unable to be mended. They were together in death at last.

Time of Your Life - Songfic

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 23:18:26 GMT

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go

“I’m sorry, Ville,” Migé said softly. “None of us wanted this to happen. I’m so sorry,”

The members of HIM were gathered in the kitchen, Migé, Linde and Ville around the table and Gas and Burton leaning against a worktop. Migé was clasping Ville’s hand reassuringly, and Linde was rubbing his back as he tried to stop himself crying.

Ville brushed tears from his eyes and shook his head slowly. This couldn’t be happening to him. It just couldn’t. He felt a comforting hand squeezing his shoulder gently.

“We’ll be right behind you, whatever you decide, Viltsu,” said Linde. “But you will have to tell him soon. It’s not fair on him if you put it off,”

The singer nodded in thanks. He didn’t trust his voice right now.

So make the best of this test, and don’t ask why
It’s not a question but a lesson learned in time

“C’mon, let’s sort out those tears before he gets in,” Migé said, standing and taking Ville’s hand. “We’ll be in the bathroom if anyone needs us,” They left the kitchen together. When they came to the bathroom, Migé pushed open the door and sat Ville down on the toilet seat. He produced a couple of tissues from one pocket of his jeans and ran water over them from the tap.

“Th-thanks Mizee. This means a l-lot to me,” Ville stuttered, his breathing slightly erratic still.

“It’s no problem, Vilpertti. You know we’d all do anything for you, if you need us. And whatever you decide, we respect that, ok? Don’t worry about us. This is your thing to decide, and it really doesn’t matter, whatever you choose,”

Ville nodded, choking back more tears. Why did this have to happen to him? Why couldn’t it be someone else’s problem?

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right
I hope you had the time of your life

Migé dabbed at his friend’s eyes with the tissues, wiping away the smears where eyeliner had run down his cheeks. Then he brought out a kohl pencil and re-lined underneath Ville’s emerald green orbs. He stepped back slightly, as if admiring his work, and said, “There, beautiful again. Just don’t start crying, or it will run,” He smiled and slipped his hand around Ville’s shoulders. The singer attempted to smile back, but there was no humour in his eyes. “Let’s go wait for Bam,”

Ville stood slowly and walked down to the kitchen on shaky legs, Migé’s arm around his waist to support him. It was ridiculous how one thing could leave the normally cool, collected frontman trembling and sobbing like someone had died. And in a way, someone had. His heart had died as soon as he realised what might happen.

They only had a few minutes to wait before Bam came bounding in the front door, casually throwing his board in a corner with a clatter.

“Hey!” he said cheerfully, swinging round the kitchen door. Then he stopped, seeing the expressions on everyone’s faces. “What happened?”

“Do you want us to go outside, Ville?” Migé asked softly. Ville roughly shook his head, pulling the bassist’s arm back to where it had been resting across the table, lying on top of Ville’s own hand. Everyone was looking at Ville now, waiting for him to speak. He swallowed nervously.

“Bam, I just got a call from Seppo. He was speaking to the director of MTV. They know about our relationship,” Bam’s face was blank. The happy expression he had when he bounced through the door had been completely erased. “Oh Bam, they said that if we don’t break up and never see each other again, HIM will be dropped from the record label and you’ll lose your show! They want me to leave you!”

So take the photographs and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time

Now Bam was staring, stunned, into his eyes. His lip trembled slightly, but he held back the tears threatening to spring from his eyes. Bam Margera didn’t cry, ever.

“What do you mean?” he asked stupidly. Migé was looking at him with a mixture of pity and compassion on his face, and Linde’s eyes were red from where he had been rubbing the tears from them. Ville, on the other hand, had tears spilling down his face in floods, unnoticed by the singer.

“Bammie, I’m so sorry! I don’t want for this to happen! I don’t want to have to decide between the two things that I love most. I mean, I can’t leave you. I don’t know what I’d do without you. But it’s not fair on everyone else if I just give up on everything we’ve been doing for ten years!”

Bam came over and wrapped his arms around Ville. His voice sounded odd from where he was trying desperately not to cry. “I’m sorry too, Willa. I wish you didn’t have to do this. I wish…” he paused for a moment, realising the full impact of what he was about to do. When he said this, Ville would leave with his band. He would never get to hold him, never get to kiss him, hell, never even get to fuck him again. There would be no more mornings waking up wrapped in each other’s arms. There would be no more nights falling asleep with his head on Ville’s chest. There would be no more idyllic days spent just feeling content in his lover’s warm embrace. But he had to do it. He couldn’t let Ville give up everything he had worked on for ten years to achieve. “I wish you didn’t have to leave me,”

Ville looked up at him, his eyes red and puffy, eyeliner smeared down his face. “What?”

Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it’s worth, it was worth all the while

Bam almost took it back, but he forced himself to do this, saying, “I’m not letting you give up everything you have with HIM just for me. You can find another person to love, and have a fun life away from me. I–“

Ville slapped him hard across the face. “Screw the band, Bam! You mean more to me than some fucking job! Don’t you think that I would love to spend the rest of my life with you? If I could, I fucking would! The only damn reason I even have to decide is because I can’t just say ‘screw HIM’ and leave all the others without a band,” They seemed to have forgotten that there was anyone else in the room. They both jumped when Migé spoke.

“Viltsu, I told you earlier, don’t worry about us. Whatever you decide, it’s just you who matters. We can find something else to do with our lives if it means you’ll be happy,” At this, Burton stood and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. With an apologetic look, Gas followed, shutting the door much more carefully.

Bam shook his head and said, “No. You can’t do that. It’s not fair on you or anyone else. Forget about me. Go enjoy your life,”

“You mean it, don’t you,” Ville said. It wasn’t a question. “You would actually give up everything we have so I can go and be a rock star?”

“I’d do anything to make you happy, Willa, and if that means giving you up, then that’s what I’ll do. At least I can still see you on the TV, even if I can’t see you in person,” His familiar grin popped back onto his face. “And no one says I can’t somehow manage to get a VIP ticket next time you tour,” Ville laughed through his tears. Bam always found a way to make him smile. He would hate leaving him.

“Is that r-really what you w-want, Bammie?” he asked.

“No. What I really want is to be with you forever and never let you out of my sight, but it’s what I should do. I don’t think I would be making anyone happy by breaking up HIM,”

Migé stood up and beckoned to Linde. “Let’s give them a few moments together,” He didn’t need to say ‘for the last time’ for Ville to know what he meant. The bassist cast him a sympathetic look over his shoulder before leaving the kitchen.

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right
I hope you had the time of your life

As soon as they left, Ville flung his arms around Bam, holding him so tight he could have crushed him. “I’m so sorry, Bammie, I’m so sorry!”

“Hey, Willa, angel, don’t cry. It’s okay. You’ll still see me again, I promise. It’s okay,” Bam stroked small circles on his back, whispering comforting words. Then he lifted Ville’s face up to his own, closing his sapphire eyes and moving in slowly. Their lips connected with a spark of electricity, feeling so right together, as if they were meant for each other. Ville opened his mouth and Bam’s tongue slid in, exploring the whole cavern of his mouth. This would be their last ever kiss, their last ever time holding each other so tightly. Their last ever moment just together, as if nothing in the world mattered other than their love.

All too soon, Migé and Linde returned, with Burton and Gas in tow. They broke apart, Ville hiding his face in the crook of Bam’s neck. Bam had his cheek resting on Ville’s soft hair, hair that he would never touch again. Tears were pouring down his face in rivers. Bam Margera was crying. For the first time since he was a child, he was crying.

And then he gazed into Ville’s deep green eyes. And then they pulled apart. And then he had to leave. Had to leave and continue his life without his lover. There was an empty, lonely feeling in the pit of his stomach, one that he knew he would never shake away.

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right
I hope you had the time of your life

Bam accompanied him to the front door, where a car was waiting to take them back to the airport, back to Finland, out of Bam’s life. They held hands for as long as possible, before finally pulling apart. Bam raised his hand to wave goodbye, then was hit with a bundle of Ville.

“I don’t want to leave you!” he cried, holding on for dear life. Bam attempted to prise his arms away, all the time whispering soft words. “Ville, Willa, baby, you have to let go now. You have to go now angel. Let go now,” Eventually he released his hold and collapsed to his knees. Migé and Linde lifted him gently and carried the distraught singer to the taxi.

As the engine started, Bam felt his legs carrying him forward. He was nearly level with the car, nearly touching the window where Ville’s hand rested in a final farewell, and then the cab pulled away. Ville stared morosely out of the back window, and as his gaze met Bam’s, he kissed his hand and blew the kiss to the skater. Bam repeated the action and waved sorrowfully until he could no longer see the car. Until his Ville was gone forever.

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right
I hope you had the time of your life

Suicide Isn't Painless

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 23:11:21 GMT

“Bam!” I cried. “Bam, don’t do this please!” I couldn’t believe what was happening right before my eyes as I saw my beloved Bam standing there, about to throw his life away.

He turned to me with bloodshot eyes, his body trembling. It was breaking my heart to see him like this. I longed to be by his side, to kiss all his pain away and hold him close. I longed for things to be as happy as they had been an hour ago, when it was just him and me together in that room.

I sat down close to him, gazing into those beautiful blue eyes, so deep, so piercing. I knew I had to say this. I’d been waiting to say this one sentence ever since I’d first met him, those many years ago.

“Bam?” I started. I had wanted to say these three words since that first day we had spent together in the park, but I had never before had the courage. Now as I stared into his sapphire eyes, all I could think about was telling him.

He looked down briefly, before returning his gaze to my own face. He had a curious look on his face, and I wondered if he had been thinking the same way as me. I didn’t care if he didn’t have those same feelings for me. We could still stay friends and I would learn to get over him, but first I had to know.

I felt the tension building in my chest, threatening to suffocate me unless I told him at last. I cleared my throat, suddenly finding the sentence that had been playing over and over in my mind so impossible to say.

“I…I…ha…have to tell you something,” I said, stumbling over my words. He still looked at me with that intense, expecting expression. I couldn’t believe that this was so hard now I was coming to say it. “I…I…think…that is…I…I love you,”

There. I had finally said it. His expression changed from curious to a look of disbelief.

“What did you say?” He asked, shock clear in his voice.

“I…love you?” Oh fuck! I’d just screwed up. Quick, think of an excuse…”I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that. It was the alcohol, I’m feeling a bit tipsy,”

Bam smiled at me and said, “I love you too.” I laughed loudly. He was joking. Just like I was pretending to be. His face suddenly looked hurt, and he ran from the room. I followed as fast as I could, up several flights of stairs, not able to catch up with him.

I emerged onto the rooftop to see him standing on the edge with at least three hundred metres between him and the ground and I realised with growing dread what he was about to do.

My beloved Bam just stood there for a moment, before turning back to face the edge, his whole body now violently shaking. I felt my heart shatter into a thousand tiny fragments to see the pain that I had caused my darling.

“Bam, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Please, come away from the edge!” I called to him. I was so stupid. He had been serious and I had just mocked him. I didn’t realise it had mattered so much to him.

“No” the word floated back to me on the breeze. “You should never have told me that shit if you weren’t serious!” I could hear the hurt in his voice.

“Bam, I thought you hated me for saying that. I was covering up for the mistake I thought I’d made!” He turned back to face me, his cheeks soaked with salty tears. “I love you Bam…please, come back to me! I don’t know what I’d do without you!”

“You’re just saying that! You don’t love me back! If you did, you’d never have laughed at me!” I didn’t know I’d caused him so much pain. I didn’t know I could have hurt him so much.

“I’m being serious, Bam, my darling! I would do anything for you! Just please come away from the edge.” I didn’t dare go closer. I didn’t want to push him. He started to lean backwards. I couldn’t just stand here any longer. Not when my sweetheart was about to take his life and leave me. I ran as fast as I could. I could feel his cold skin slipping away from my hand.

I lunged forwards, practically throwing myself over the edge for my darling. I clenched my eyes shut. I couldn’t bear to see Bammie falling. I felt his hand gripping my wrist. I cautiously opened my eyes.

My dear, sweet Bam was clinging onto my hand, dangling over the edge of the building. I held his hand tightly. I couldn’t let him fall.

“Don’t let go Bam! Please, hold on!” I practically screamed. I was terrified that I might lose my beloved, my darling, my life and soul, my sweet, sweet Bammie. Pulling as hard as I could, I got him onto the rooftop and hugged him close. My beautiful Bam was back safe with me.

“I’m so, so sorry Ville!” Bam sobbed as I held onto him.

“Please, don’t be.” I said. “I shouldn’t have laughed at you. I can’t believe I nearly lost you! I don’t know what I would have done if you’d jumped. I couldn’t bear to live without you!” I could still feel him trembling in my arms as I knelt down on the roof, still holding him, and began to cry.

Valentine's Day

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 23:08:00 GMT

VALENTINE'S DAY

I look at the small object nestled in the palm of my hand. It was exactly a year ago today that he had died. A year ago that I had last held him. A year ago that I had last allowed myself to be held. A year ago that we had been happy together, now gone.

Since then I seemed drawn into irrepressible depression, sadness that no one can take away from me. I withdrew to my room, withdrew into myself. I stopped talking to my friends and family for anything more than a few words. It was a year ago that I last allowed myself to smile.

I could tell that everyone was worried for me. I knew they thought they were losing me. All the time I had was spent in my room, skating, or going for long walks that saw me still outside well into the next morning, all the while lost in my grief. I had stopped eating properly. The meals that I did have consisted of a few mouthfuls before I retreated to my room again. I just couldn’t see them looking at me in that way. Thinking that I was some sort of mental case.

Which I know they did. They tried to send me to a shrink once. I refused. There was nothing wrong with me. Nothing apart from grief. I had near worshipped him, and he had been taken from me.

The worst part of it, the reason I felt so depressed, so guilty, was that I wasn’t even there. He was all alone, no one to hold him and promise it would be all right, when he died. I can never forgive myself for that. It was my fault that he went out. My fault he died.

Why did he have to die? Three years. Three years we had been together. As a couple. We were both so happy. At least I thought we were. And the one guilty for his death, the one who took my sweet boyfriend away from me, got away with it. He murdered my boyfriend and got away with no charge.

I spent weeks trying to find him. Weeks that I would be out for sometimes four days at a time with no sleep, just so I could find him and hurt him for all the pain that he caused me. For all the pain that he caused my love. Only exhaustion, and the realisation that life is so unfair, returned me home, shaking off my mother’s embrace and the mock cheerful greetings of my friends. I felt like I had abandoned him. I felt guilty for not avenging his death.

One by one my friends would come up to my room, come to find me, to attempt to shake me out of my depression. One by one they would realise that it was no use and walk away from me. From my life. Knowing that only if they could bring him back would I be happy again. That was impossible.

I refuse to kill myself though. I refuse to take my own life for some reason so shallow as my seemingly endless misery. I know he wouldn’t want it, and what good would it do anyway. It would only make the one who did this to him completely free. No one would care that he wasn’t innocent once I’m gone. No one would avenge my lover’s death.

I still can’t speak his name even now. I can’t even think it. Sometimes I feel like I am betraying him, but the pain is too much. Too recent. Sometimes I want to scream, to scream out his name, let the world know how much I miss him. To scream so much that he will be able to hear me, be able to come back to me.

But that can never happen. He can never come back. So I stare at the small ring in my hand. Think about the day he was taken from me.

Valentines Day.

The day when my heart was broken.

Look! I can write fluff! sort of...

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 23:05:02 GMT

FLUFFINESS (NO OTHER TITLE)

April 25th 2006, London Brixton Academy.

I winked at Bam standing in the middle of the crowd. He always preferred to be down there instead of waiting backstage for me. I think he liked the atmosphere more or something along those lines. Several girls surrounding him swooned, each thinking the wink was meant for them.

“Won’t you die tonight for love,
Baby, join me in death,” I sang, staring at my boyfriend.

The closing notes rang through the close air of the hall, multicoloured lights following them down. I was just about to open my mouth again for the ‘thank you, you’ve been a brilliant audience’ when a commotion caught my eye. Someone was trying to force their way past the security guards to get up on stage, and by the look of it they were putting up a good fight.

“Hey, Ville, will you tell these assholes to get off me?”

I recognised the cute accent at once. My eyes flicked to the place where he had been standing before, but he wasn’t there. Some people stared and pointed. No one had left yet; all of them were to interested in what Bam was trying to do.

Of course, none of them had any idea that we were together yet. I had been tying to get Bam to tell someone for about a year now. The secret love had been fine for a while, stolen kisses when no one was looking, running off together when everyone was busy. Bam had acted the same way he normally did, and if any of my band mates had noticed a difference in me, they hadn’t mentioned it.

But eventually it got tiring, having to disappear away from everyone if we so much as wanted to whisper ‘I love you’. Having to conceal our relationship from those we loved. I couldn’t break things off with Jonna without anyone finding out, and that technically meant I still had a fiancé. I had been trying so hard to postpone the wedding. I couldn't marry her now I knew I loved Bam.

Finally he persuaded me to do it. I can still remember her screaming, throwing things at me.

“Listen, Jonna, there’s something I have to tell you,” I began. She stopped crawling over the bed towards me, and sat up on her knees, still staring at me in that lust-filled way. “I can’t marry you,”

For a moment there was silence, like the calm before the storm, and then came the gale that destroyed so much.

“What do you fucking mean you can’t marry me Ville Valo?” I ducked a vase that smashed into the wall where my head had been resting a moment earlier. “I thought you loved me. I thought you said you would die for me? Or was that just another lie?” I jumped out of the way of a beautiful ornament I had bought her for her birthday, which smashed just like the vase. “Who is it? WHO FUCKING IS IT? What makes her so much better than me?” She used my silence to throw the phone at me. It hit me in the side of my head, making little stars pop before my eyes. “Why do you always fucking lie to me? How long has it been going on, Ville? How long have you been fucking her brains out?”

“It’s a he, not a she,” I said almost inaudibly.

“What?” Her voice was deathly silent. I didn’t reply. “WHAT DID YOU FUCKING SAY?!”

It was terrifying how a woman’s anger can make any man tremble, but when it’s another man it wouldn’t remotely worry me.

“I said it’s a he, not a she,” Now it was her turn to remain silent.

For a moment only.

“You fucking fag! I can’t believe you Ville! It was so fucking obvious, you’re a puff! You like sucking cock? Want me to do something to help you with that?” She took a carving knife from the kitchen. Jonna advanced towards me, holding the knife in a threatening position. I did what any sensible person would have done. I ran.

We hadn’t told anyone since.

I waved the guards aside, and Bam came up on stage. He looked so beautiful with his hair ruffled up, adrenaline rushing through his body. I stood in stunned silence. What was so important that he had to tell me like this? Still, no one had moved. I realised the microphone was still on, but the roadies seemed frozen in place.

Suddenly, he kissed me. For a moment I just stood, frozen in place, then my automatic reflexes took over. I ran my hands up his back, tangling my fingers into his hair, my tongue seeking entrance to his mouth. I heard gasps and whispers of shock from the crowd. His mouth opened, and our tongues swirled together in an elaborate dance.

Then, just as suddenly he pulled back. I could see Linde and Migé behind him looking at me as if I had grown two heads. He grabbed the microphone and pulled it over, so it was facing us. Then he produced something from his pocket that I couldn’t see.

“Close your eyes,” he instructed. I shut them tight, worried that this would be some sort of joke.

“Bam Margera, if this is a trick, I will fucking kill you,” I heard a couple of people laugh slightly.

“Open your eyes again,” he said. I did. He was down on one knee in front of me, the small something opened to reveal a beautiful ring, shaped like a heartagram and engraved with black, green and blue jewels in a wonderful twisting, twirling pattern. I couldn’t catch my breath.

“I love you Ville. I want to be with you every moment of my life. I want to wake up by your side, and fall asleep knowing that I’m holding you in my arms. I would die for you. I would do anything you ask me to.

“Ville Hermanni Valo, will you marry me?”

Tears threatened to fall from my eyes. My breathing was shallow and quick. Bam looked up at me, blue sapphire eyes meeting my own emerald green. There was something of desperation flickering in his gaze.

“Oh god Bam, yes! Yes I will marry you!”

This was the happiest I had ever been in my life. I could hear cheers and screams and applause coming from the audience, none of whom had yet left. I wrapped my arms around Bam and led him to the edge of the stage, throwing their hands up in the air to more screaming. Some girls were crying, and one man was yelling, “Go to hell, bloody fags!”

Bam made a hand gesture and the man fell silent.

“I love you Bam. So much.”

Story to make wicked_glamour cry

Fri, 31 Mar 2006 23:25:03 GMT

ok...I wrote this a while ago, and like everything I write, it is a one-shot deathfic that has made people cry. I remember a while ago I requested exactly the same thing, and people were so helpful, so I'm gonna try and help you. It's the best one I've got at the moment, but there are other unwritten ones that I'll try to post soon.

Bam woke up sweating. Fuck it was hot in here. What the hell was going on? He walked over to the door, thinking to open it and get some fresh air, but it wouldn’t open. He peered out of the keyhole, but rapidly blinked as his eye filled with smoke.

Smoke? Shit.

Trying hard not to panic, he threw himself against the door, battering it with his shoulder, but to no avail. It was stuck fast.

Bam glanced back over to the bed where Ville lay curled under the black silk sheets emblazoned with a gold heartagram, blissfully unaware of their predicament. He looked so peaceful there, his alabaster face untroubled by thoughts as he lay in deep dreams, raven hair spilling over his eyes.

“Ville? Wake up!” Bam said urgently, shaking him by the shoulder.

“What’s up?” Ville mumbled, rolling over and blinking the sleep from his eyes. How should he phrase this? He didn’t want Ville to worry too much, but he had to know what was going on.

“Just trust me Ville, you need to get up this minute,” He tried not to let too much panic creep into his voice. Bam ran his hand through his hair, anxiously brushing it out of his face as the urgency of his voice roused Ville.

“It’s all right Bammie,” he said comfortingly. “What’s wrong?”

“Erm… if you had the choice between being burnt alive or… or shot…which would you pick?” He didn’t normally stammer. He kept casting nervous glances around the room, as if something was about to spring on him, or materialise from the shadowed corners.

“Calm down baby,” Ville said, his voice soothing, “I don’t understand what that has to do with anything,”

Bam was pacing around the room now, clearly agitated. “We…we have a slight problem…” Ville came over and held his shoulders, stopping his pacing. He was beginning to get frightened by Bam’s attitude. “Erm…the…the house is on fire,”

“WHAT?!” Ville exploded, “We have to get out of here!” he ran to the door, but didn’t succeed any more than Bam. “Why won’t it open?” he demanded.

“That’s the other thing. We can’t get out.”

“What do you mean we can’t get out?!” Now Ville was the one pacing and running his hand through his hair.

“I mean the door’s stuck, the window key is downstairs, we couldn’t jump even if the window was open, because the fall would kill us, and the fucking phone isn’t working because Novak cut the wire last time he was pissed!” He was nearly shouting by the end of the sentence. He went over to Ville and held him in his arms.

“There has to be some way out?” he knew it was hopeless even before Bam shook his head. Ville sank to the floor. “Shot.” he said at last.

“What?” Bam asked.

“I would rather be shot than burned alive,” Ville repeated.

“Oh,” Bam said.

“Bam?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to die,” It sounded cliché, but he really didn’t want to go yet. Ville heard Bam’s footsteps walking to the other side of the room, then the sound of a draw opening and closing. Bam came back and sat close to him, something held tightly in his hand.

Bam sighed heavily. “We don’t have a choice, Willa,”

Ville gasped as Bam opened his hand to reveal a glinting metal object.

“Where the fuck did you get that?”

“I’ve always had it. I can’t remember where it came from,” Bam replied. His voice sounded slightly distant.

There was an awkward silence. Two pairs of eyes were fixed on the gun held loosely in Bam’s hand.

“So this is it,” Bam said at last.

“I suppose,” Ville shifted closer.

“How are we gonna do this?” Bam asked after a moment, spluttering. Smoke had started to fill the room.

“You’re gonna have to do me. I don’t think I could possibly shoot you Bammie,”

“Do you think it would be any easier for me to shoot you?” Ville winced at his harsh tone of voice. “I’m sorry, Willa. I’m just nervous,”

“Either way, one of us will have to watch the other die.” Ville collapsed into a coughing fit. The smoke didn’t help his asthma. Bam watched on anxiously, putting his other arm around Ville’s thin shoulders.

“So who’s gonna go first?” Ville asked when he recovered. “I don’t want to watch you dying. But I suppose it wouldn’t exactly be a great experience for you either,”

“You go first,” Bam said. “If your last wish is not to see me die, then I suppose I should grant it.” He smiled, but there was no laughter in his eyes.

“But what about you?” Ville asked, realising he sounded selfish.

“No, you go. I can…manage,” Bam swallowed hard. This was more difficult than he thought. The image had been playing over in his head as soon as he had realised there was no escape. Smoke was stinging his eyes, making them water.

Ville’s trembling hand took the gun Bam held out to him.

“Bam?”

“Yeah?”

“I guess this is my last chance to tell you. I love you. I never want to leave you, but I don’t have a choice. Promise you’ll join me in death?” Ville smiled. His last smile on this earth. The last words Bam would ever hear him speak. His voice, so filled with panic only moments before, was now calm and fulfilled.

“I promise,” Bam replied, realising the irony of the song title now, as Ville placed the barrel of the gun to the side of his head. “I love you too, Ville, more than my own life. We…can be together in death,” He spoke some of the lyrics.

Suddenly, before Bam was ready, there was a sickening bang. The gun dropped from Ville’s limp hand as the light faded from his emerald eyes, leaving them dull and clouded. A crimson stain poured steadily from the gun-wound. Bam had tried to be strong for Ville, but now he couldn’t stop the rivers of tears that slipped down his cheeks as he stared at the lifeless body of his love.

Join me in death, how appropriate that seemed now. Bam slipped his arm around the dead Ville’s waist, holding him close as possible as he held the weapon that had taken his Ville from him to his temple. Softly, he leant down and kissed Ville’s forehead. Quickly he pulled the trigger. As his mind faded into darkness, the last thing he could see was Ville’s pale, lifeless face.

A TALE OF TWO, PART 5

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 21:41:54 GMT

So, basically for everyone who knows me, my ex, Raph, decided he was gonna ask me out again, after calling my best friend a whore with no customers, insulting me in every way under the sun and saying that going out with me was the worst mistake of his life...and of course having a fire doesn't really help with the updating side of things...anyhoo...here's the next part of my story...

** Ville’s POV **
Today was the day. Ville tried not to get too excited as his alarm clock woke him up early in the morning. He climbed out of bed and pulled on some clothes – a black shirt and black jeans.

He didn’t feel hungry enough to eat much, so he grabbed a piece of toast, before picking up his suitcase and heading to Linde’s, where the band were meeting.

When he arrived, everyone was already there, waiting for the coach to turn up. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood. They heard a horn beep from outside and Ville ran to the window.

“It’s the coach!” He announced, and the band grabbed their bags before going out of the door and descending the many stairs to the ground floor.

The driver greeted them as they got on and chose which bunks they would have. Ville decided on the one on its own at the back of the coach.

The journey started in good spirits, but soon everyone got tired of the same views out of the windows, and they all retired to separate activities. Ville found his thoughts slipping back to Bam.

He turned to look out of the back window so no one would see the tears that welled up in his eyes.

** Flashback **
When he went down to Bam’s hotel the next morning, he couldn’t remember what room Bam was in. He asked the receptionist, who replied that he had left first thing this morning. He was probably on the plane back to America now.

Ville felt a stabbing pain in his heart and staggered to the door, where he sank to his knees. He couldn’t stop the tears springing up in his eyes as he realised that Bam was gone, and Ville would never see him again.

Somehow, he found his way back to his apartment, and he collapsed on the sofa. His mind was in chaos. Why did this keep happening to him? He didn’t want to eat, or even sleep.

He walked over to the door and wrenched it open. Turning to the right, he started to climb up the stairs. The next few moments were a blur, but he remembered himself standing on the edge of the rooftop. Jonna had meant so much to him, but she had abandoned him, and then when he finally thought Bam could take away the pain of losing her, he had left too.

He had heard a voice behind him, calling for him to come away from the edge. He still stood, looking down at the distant ground below him. He started to lean forward, but stopped. He couldn’t do this to himself.

As soon as he stepped back onto the roof, a figure was with him. He was guided back down the stairs, still too confused to think straight. When he got to his apartment, he stopped and went in. The figure stood outside the door for a few minutes, until he decided that Ville wouldn’t try jumping again.

That figure had been Linde. That was how the band had started. The next day, he had come back up to Ville’s apartment to check he was all right. They had talked, not about Bam, and it had turned out that he was in a band. He had invited Ville to join, and he had accepted gladly. He would at least have something to take his mind away from the heartache.

** End flashback **
Ville realised he was crying and hastily wiped the tears from his eyes. He heard Linde stop practising on guitar and footsteps approach him.

“Are you ok man?” He asked. Ville heard the concern in his voice.

“Yeah,” Ville managed to say. There was a lump in his throat, threatening to give his emotions away. He just needed to be left alone. Instead Linde sat down on the bed next to him, and put his hand on Ville’s shoulder. “Fine. No,” he said at last.

“What’s up? You’re not going to go suicidal on me again are you?” Linde joked. He just managed to make Ville start crying again. “I’ll leave you alone for a few minutes,” he said at last.

Ville curled up into a ball on his bed. He tried to find some way to distract himself. He counted cars and streetlights, but it didn’t do any good. He pulled a pen and paper out of his bag, thinking to write down his feelings, just so he could tell someone. Instead he found himself writing a column of words:

There is no turning back
From this unending path of mine,
Serpentine and black, it stands before my eyes
To Hell and back
It will lead me once more
And it’s all I have
As I stumble in and out of grace.

He read through the words, and then hid it in his bag again. He forced himself to go down the bus and talk to the rest of the band. Not about Bam, just about something. He caught the sympathetic look in Linde’s eyes, and wished he could tell someone his feelings.

When Love and Death Embrace

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 21:01:43 GMT

Pairing: Vam
Rating: I can't rate things...find out for yourself
Summary: Short one-shot. Ville desperately wants to tell Bam his secret...inspiration taken from HIM lyrics

WHEN LOVE AND DEATH EMBRACE

I wish you wouldn’t look at me like that. Expectant. Curious. Almost pleading me to tell you.

I wish you never brought this up. I’ve never been able to lie to you; I’ve never kept any secrets from you. Until now.

To be honest, I’ve wanted to tell you ever since the day we first met. When your sapphire eyes connected with mine. When I first heard your voice. When your hand touching me sent shivers down my spine.

But I know I can’t ever tell you. You are my best friend, and I don’t want to ruin that friendship, even when being around you tortures me, all because of this one secret that I can never speak.

You would hate me, just like everyone does. You would walk away and I would never see you again.

You ask me where the marks on my wrists came from. There’s no need to ask. You know really. You know I did this to myself, but you don’t know why. That’s what scares you. There’s some secret caught up inside me that makes me hurt myself, but you will never know what it is.

Just one secret that gets in the way of me being truly happy when I’m with you. Just one secret that I can never tell.

I love you Bammie, and it’s crushing my heart.

A Tale of Two

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 20:57:34 GMT

Pairing: Vam
Summary: An unfortunate incident causes the meeting of two people who are destined for each other. They just don't realise it yet.
Disclaimer: I don't know or own either of them (sadly), and if this ever happened, I wouldn't be sitting here writing it. You'd get a wideo instead!
Rating: fuck knows...its different all the way through. You'll just have to read it and work it out...
Dedications: My wonderful beta, silenceisacrime, and my friend Charlotte for coming up with the title (although she wanted it to be "A Tale of Two Villages", Village being Ville's child...french sucks...)

CHAPTER 1 - A MEETING

** Ville’s POV **
Ville glanced up at the clock on the wall. Nearly midnight. It was late and he should be getting home. He climbed off the barstool and waved to the barkeeper, exiting into the cool, rainy night.

He wasn’t drunk, despite having been drinking for the best part of three hours. He had been seeking some way to drown his sorrows.

Five hours ago Jonna had walked in and announced that she couldn’t do this any more. There was another man in her life, who was obviously better than Ville. He didn’t understand where he had gone wrong. Everything had been going fine between them before she left that day, or so he thought.

What had he done to make her react like this? She had always been so kind and loving, so perfect for him. They had enjoyed the same things, and up until now, felt the same loving way for each other.

But maybe she hadn’t been so perfect after all. How could Jonna, the love of his life, cast aside everything they had shared for so long as if it was nothing more than a passing phase? How could she walk out knowing that Ville still loved her so much? He just couldn’t believe it.

Ville sighed deeply. He walked head-down along the dark path, bathed by the occasional pool of golden light from a streetlamp overhead, hardly noticing where he was going…

…Until he bumped into another man and knocked him to the ground.

“I’m…sorry,” Ville said, snapping back to reality, and offering the man his hand to help him up. Instead he jumped to his feet and punched Ville across the face.

“Watch where you’re going, punk” he shouted, hitting Ville to the ground and knocking his head against a stone wall. Raising a tentative and shaking hand to his head, Ville felt a thin trickle of blood creeping down his neck as he submitted to a wave of dizziness that overcame his senses. Through the haze in his eyes he could see the man approaching him again.

Ville felt faint. The clenched hand whistled towards his face…

… But was stopped when a shoe hit the thug in the side of the head. He gasped in pain and put a hand to the point of contact. A figure held its hand out to Ville, and pulled him to his feet. The stranger put a supporting arm around his back and led him away from where the man was gathering his senses. They hid in a shadowed doorway until he stumbled past, thinking they had continued in the same direction.

When he was sure the man had gone, Ville’s saviour helped him to sit down on the step.

“Are you alright?” he asked in an American accent. Ville’s vision cleared up a bit as he looked at the stranger. Bright blue eyes peered at him from a young face, and wet brown curls clung to his head.

“Yeah.” Ville said, but winced at the pain in his head. The stranger smiled at him, then reached over to him, faltering, as if he was unsure of his action, and brushed one of Ville’s own wet waves of hair out of his eyes. The stranger drew back quickly.

“I’m Bam, by the way,” the man introduced himself.

“Ville” Ville replied, trying not to show the pain his head was causing him.

“We need to get you somewhere warm.” Bam offered, “Can you walk?”

“I’m fine, really…” Ville said, trying to stand, but he wobbled and collapsed to the ground again.

“My hotel’s not far away. At least come with me until you feel better.” Bam said, slipping an arm around Ville’s waist and helping him to stand. His legs shook a bit, but he didn’t fall now Bam’s arm was around him.

Bam gently led him to the hotel he was staying in a couple of streets away, and they took the lift to the third floor. When they got to room 305, they stopped and Bam unlocked the door.

He helped Ville to the bed and they sat down next to each other. They chatted about various things, such as how Bam came to be in Finland until about 4:00 in the morning, when the conversation turned to why Ville happened to be out at night alone. Ville quickly assured him that it didn’t matter, before they lapsed into an uncomfortable silence.

“Thanks…” Ville said awkwardly, embarrassed at his weakness and the willingness of Bam to help him.

“No problem,” Bam said, giving him a smile. There was something comforting about his company. “If you wanna crash here for a while, feel free,” He offered.

“I might just take a little nap…” Ville said, glad of the opportunity to sleep. His head was still incredibly painful. He lay down on the bed, not bothering to remove his clothes or pull the covers over himself, and was soon breathing deeply and regularly.

** Bam’s POV **
Bam watched Ville as he fell asleep. He smoothed the wisps of raven black hair off his face carefully so as not to wake him.

Why was he so uncomfortable with this? He had messed with Ryan plenty of times back home and had never had any trouble with it. But Ville seemed somehow different, somehow…special, and more fragile.

Inside his mind was troubled. He looked down at Ville’s perfect body, his marble-like face, and his red lips. And remembered those jade green eyes, filled with pain but determination, shining like jewels from Ville’s face.

He was so confused. He couldn’t be finding Ville attractive. He was straight, wasn’t he?

Maybe he should wait until morning. There was still two days before he went back to West Chester. He was tired. He couldn’t think straight. Tomorrow he could decide what to do.

He lay down on the bed and watched Ville’s chest move up and down with his breathing. His last thoughts before he fell asleep were ‘he is so beautiful’.

CHAPTER 2 - SOMETHING ABOUT HIM

him
** Ville’s POV **
When he woke the next morning, Ville found himself lying on a strange bed in a strange room. His head was killing him. He heard a knock at the door and Bam came in, wearing a black T-shirt and jeans.

In a flash it all came back to him – the fight, this hotel and his saviour, Bam. He would probably have been a lot worse off this morning if Bam hadn’t turned up when he did.

“How you feeling?” Bam asked as he came and joined Ville on the bed.

“Better, thanks to you,” Ville replied, pushing himself up so he was sitting next to Bam. “Thanks… for helping me and all,” he said awkwardly.

“No problem,” Bam said with a smile. He was glad he had met Ville, even with the circumstances.

** Bam’s POV **
Bam tried hard to keep his mind on the conversation as he listened to Ville’s deep, sexy voice. There was just something about him. He was so attractive. He knew Ville would want to go back home soon, but he wished he could spend more time with him. In fact he wished he could spend every day with him. But he couldn’t. That would seem like some sort of relationship!

Besides, how did he even know Ville felt the same way? It would be terrible if Bam were to make a move and find out that Ville wasn’t… that way inclined. Not that he was either, of course…

“Anyway, I should be getting back home,” Ville said, snapping Bam out of his thoughts. He didn’t want Ville to go yet, but he had no choice.

“Yeah,” he replied, trying to keep the sadness out of his voice. Maybe they could meet up again later though… “Hey, err, you doing anything this afternoon?”

** Ville’s POV **
Ville didn’t really want to leave yet. His head still hurt badly, but he felt that he had intruded on Bam’s company long enough. He considered staying a bit longer but Bam had already been more than kind to him, and he had no way of repaying that kindness.

“Hey, err, you doing anything this afternoon?” Bam asked. “I was wondering if you wanna meet at the park later…”

“Not that I know of. I’ll see you later then.” Ville flashed him an irresistible vampiric grin over his shoulder.

Ville left the room and made his way back to his house. He was looking forward to seeing Bam again, even though he had only just left. There was something about him that made Ville happy inside.

People kept looking at him as he passed, and he supposed he must look terrible, having not cleaned up the cuts on his face from last night. His hair was probably a mess too. He’d have to sort himself out before he met Bam again.

Ville shook his head. He was beginning to make Bam sound like some girlfriend. He smiled slightly. That would be weird…

** Bam’s POV **
It sounded slightly pathetic to Bam that he had to arrange to see Ville again, and so soon after he left. He was desperate though. He still hadn’t made up his mind what to do, and he couldn’t just let Ville go like that. He was so goddamn hot!

So he had arranged to meet later. He had a few hours to decide what to do. He only had today. Tomorrow he would be getting the plane back home, and then the likelihood that he would see Ville again was next to none.

** Ville’s POV **
When he got back home, Ville went straight to the bathroom to check the extent of the damage. There was a cut down one cheek and another just below his eye. His hair was matted at the back where the blood had dried.

He looked like he’d been dragged through a hedge backwards. What would Bam think? More importantly why did he care what Bam would think? Bam’s face came into his mind, so caring, so beautiful.

No, he couldn’t be thinking like this. Jonna had only just left him, and he was still upset about that. But there was just something about Bam. Something he couldn’t resist.

CHAPTER 3 - HAPPINESS AND TEARS (I)

** Ville’s POV **
As he walked the few streets to the park, Ville found his thoughts returning again and again to Bam. He found himself fiddling with his hair as he walked, making sure it was in just the right place.

As he walked through the park gates, he noticed Bam sitting on a bench.

“How long have you been here?” asked Ville, worried he was late.

“Only a few minutes. You look much better.” Bam replied. Ville just smiled. He noticed Bam had his board with him.

“You skate?” Ville asked.

“Yeah, I’m not much good though,” Bam replied modestly. “I could teach you if you like,”

Ville was dubious, but he saw the eagerness in Bam’s face and didn’t want to disappoint him. “Ok, but I wont be much good either,” he smiled.

** Bam’s POV **
The next half-hour was spent by Bam trying, with great difficulty, to teach Ville to skate. Every time he fell off, Bam was terrified that he had caused Ville pain, but he always picked himself up again, laughing.

“I give up!” Ville said with a smile. “It’s your turn – show me what you can do,”

Bam was delighted to have a chance to show off. He desperately wanted to impress him. He saw the amazement in Ville’s face as he pulled off loads of stunts and tricks, and allowed himself a small smile.

As he skated back to the bench where Ville was sitting, he threw his hands in the air like a gymnast does at the end of their performance. “What did you think?”

“Amazing!” Ville replied, smiling irresistibly. Bam wished he wouldn’t. It just made him even more attractive.

“You feeling ok?” Bam asked, remembering the wound on the back of Ville’s head.

“I’m fine! Don’t worry so much!” Ville assured him. “Wanna go for a walk?”

** Ville’s POV **
He had been amazed by the stunts that Bam had pulled off after saying that he wasn’t very good. It was fine sitting there and watching his beautiful body flying through the air in loops and jumps, but now Ville wanted some time alone with him.

He didn’t know Bam even felt the same way about him. Or if he did, would he actually admit it?

“Sure,” Bam replied, picking up his board and jumping up off the bench.

It was getting to sunset, and as they walked along the riverbank Ville could see all the happy couples hand-in-hand together. Bam jokingly held Ville’s hand too, and Ville hid the elation he felt at his touch with a laugh.

“Where are you from?” Ville asked, needing something to say to break the silence.

“At the moment I live in West Chester, in Pennsylvania,” Bam replied, staring into Ville’s eyes all the time he spoke. Ville thought he saw sadness in his eyes, but it was gone so quickly that he couldn’t be sure. He tried hard to think of something else to say, but Bam helped him by continuing to talk about his home, friends and relatives.

Ville felt lost in his voice, enraptured by his presence. He felt like he was walking on air. This wasn’t right. He couldn’t be falling for Bam, could he?

** Bam’s POV **
Bam spoke for a while about his life back home, just to have an excuse to look at Ville’s perfect face. He mentioned everything he could think of…well, almost everything.

** Ville’s POV **
“What about you?” Bam asked. Ville snapped out of his thoughts and pretended he had been listening to Bam’s words rather than his voice. He spoke about his life here in Finland, but he sensed that Bam, like him, was more interested in his voice than his words.

A short while later the Sun went down, and they walked back to the gates of the park.

“I suppose I’d better be getting back home…” Ville said reluctantly. Although he didn’t want to say it, today had been one of the best days of his life.

“We haven’t had any dinner yet. We could always go out to a restaurant or something,” Bam suggested.

“Ok,” Ville replied enthusiastically, desperate for a chance to stay longer in Bam’s company. “I know a good place down the road.”

He led the way to a small restaurant, with low lighting and few customers. When they had ordered, Bam spoke.

“Ville,” he began, biting his bottom lip.

“Yeah?” Ville replied, sitting forward.

Bam hesitated for a moment before replying. “Don’t worry, it was nothing important.” He said at last, but Ville could see that there was something he had wanted to say.

** Bam’s POV **
Why did he have to do that? He could have ruined everything in their friendship if Ville didn’t feel the same way about him. And what about the other small detail that he had to go back to America tomorrow? He could have broken Ville’s heart.

He couldn’t do it. They couldn’t have a relationship. It would be too inconvenient, with them living in different countries and…

Missy.

His girlfriend.

Who knows what she would do if she knew? Although he had never felt the same way about anyone as he did about Ville, they couldn’t be together. Bam swallowed hard as he felt a lump of emotion his throat. He shouldn’t be feeling this way.

** Ville’s POV **
When they had finished the meal, they left the restaurant. Since Bam’s hotel was in the opposite direction to Ville’s apartment, they had to say goodbye there.

“Well, bye,” Ville said awkwardly. Again he caught a glimpse of sadness in Bam’s eyes.

“Yeah, bye,” Bam said. Suddenly he grabbed Ville in a tight hug, which Ville returned with a smile. They parted and Ville waved as he walked back home.

** Bam’s POV **
He didn’t want to hurt Ville’s feelings, so he just left. He had probably seen Ville for the last time. He couldn’t believe he had done this, but maybe it was for the best.

CHAPTER 4 - IN JOY AND SORROW

** TWO YEARS LATER **
** Ville’s POV **
“In joy and sorrow,
My home’s in your arms,
In worlds so hollow,
It’s breaking my heart…” Ville sang. The band had been practising all day for their first tour. It was starting next week, and Ville was looking forward to the break from routine. To be honest, he was excited about it.

“I’m going down the pub,” Linde announced once he had packed his guitar away at the end of the song. “Anyone wanna come?” There were several shouts of ‘yes’ from various band members. “What about you, Valo? You not coming?” he asked. Ville debated it for a minute, before deciding it wouldn’t do any harm.

“Yeah, ok.” He said at last, and Burton clapped him on the shoulder. He led the way out of the apartment where they had been practising. The evening was spent drinking and discussing the various venues they would be playing in. Ville found himself enjoying the evening despite the depressed feeling that had hung over him for the past two years.

At about midnight they all went home, and Ville went straight to bed. He had confusing dreams that night, but all he could remember of them come the morning was a feeling of happiness and the shocked expressions of the other band members.

The next morning he was woken by a phone call from Linde. He sleepily answered it.

“Hey! We gotta meet up my place about 2:00 this afternoon. We’re gonna go check out the tour-bus!”

“It’s finally ready?” Asked Ville, suddenly feeling completely awake.

“Yeah, Migé got onto the company and hurried them up a bit. Anyway, see you later!” With that he hung up. Ville smiled to himself. He was beginning to feel even more excited.

** Bam’s POV **
“Get up Bam! It’s gone 11:00!” Missy yelled, yanking the covers off the bed. Bam mumbled something incoherent, pulling the covers back up and hitting the radio button on his alarm clock. She stomped downstairs in a stress.

“In a minute we’re gonna play some HIM, and then we’ll have details on how you can win backstage tickets for their new tour starting next week. Stay tuned! This is In Joy and Sorrow,” said the DJ, putting on the song. Bam lay in bed, listening to the voice of HIM’s singer. It was strangely familiar to him, but he couldn’t quite place it.

He reached for his phone, which was lying on the bedside table and turned it on. No messages. The DJ’s voice came back on as the song finished playing.

“That was HIM with In Joy and Sorrow,” he said. “Now, do you want to win backstage tickets to go see them?” Bam nodded to himself. They were his favourite band at the moment. “Phones on then,” Bam looked down at the mobile phone it his hand. “At the sound of the bell, the first person to call in and answer a question correctly will be going to see them next week. Ready?” Bam had already dialled the number. It was worth a try.

The bell rang on the radio and he pressed the call button…

…And the phone was answered.

“Hello caller!” Said the voice of the DJ both on his radio and through his phone. “What’s your name and where do you come from?”

“Erm, I’m Bam Margera from West Chester, Pennsylvania,” Bam said, stunned.

“Well Bam, you could be going to see HIM next week. But first you have to answer this question: What is the name of their new album?” Bam smiled to himself. This was too easy.

“Deep Shadows and Brilliant Highlights,” he said confidently.

“Bam, I’m sorry…” said the DJ. What? That was right! “That was the CORRECT ANSWER!” Bam breathed a sigh of relief. It had been a trick. “How do you feel?”

“Amazed,” Bam replied. It was odd enough that he had actually got through, let alone won. He heard the phone go down at the other end as the DJ hung up.

“Well, what a lucky guy he is…” He heard the DJ say, but he was too shocked to hear any more. He heard footsteps running up the stairs to his room and Missy burst through the door with a wide smile across her face.

** Ville’s POV **
With half and hour to spare, Ville made his way down to Linde’s apartment, ready to go off and inspect the coach. He smiled to himself as he walked, thinking about how great next week would be. He knocked on the door and the guitarist opened it.

“Hey!” Linde smiled. “You’re the first one here. The others shouldn’t be long.”

When everyone else had arrived, they drove down to the bus station to examine the tour-bus. Ville found it funny that a heartagram had been painted on the windscreen in the bottom corner.

Inside the coach was spacious, with its own toilet and five beds, one for each band member. Linde kept pointing out to everyone the small amps sitting on two of the beds, so they could practise while on the road. Ville found himself smiling more than he had done for about two years. Suddenly his phone began to ring.

“S’cuse me a second,” he said, picking up the phone. “Hello?”

“Mr. Valo?”

“Yeah?” Ville replied.

“We gave away the backstage ticket. It’s one in America – Pennsylvania,” Ville felt a stab of pain in his heart. He tried hard not to concentrate on it. “You’ll be given more details on the actual day.” Said the voice of the DJ that Bam had been speaking to only an hour or two earlier.

“Excellent,” Ville said. “Thanks for letting me know, bye,”

The band looked up as he hung up. “What was that about?” Linde asked.

“The backstage ticket has gone to some guy in America,” he said, trying to keep his voice calm. The phone call had brought back memories of Bam.

When they had checked out the coach, they drove back to Linde’s apartment. He offered to get dinner, so they spent the evening with a takeaway talking about the tour. Ville soon forgot all about the memories of Bam.